I’m an adult now?

I remember dreaming about being an adult as a kid. The freedom to stay up late, eat ice cream for dinner, buy whatever I wanted, do stupid things and not get told off. Just doing as I pleased. It seemed magical.

Then one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks - “oh sh*t”. I was apparently an adult now. I had crossed that threshold.

I didn’t feel ready at all. I still don’t. I could see all these ways I wasn’t good enough. Aren’t adults supposed to have their lives together? Be responsible, mature and organised? I felt like some impostor playing dress up in my parents’ clothes.

By this point, life had already thrown me some curveballs. A bad breakup. Losing loved ones. Sinking into a depressive episode and wondering if I’d ever feel okay again. I’d messed up, made a ton of mistakes, and realised just how unpredictable things were sometimes.

I was staring down this barrel of responsibilities and… I felt completely incompetent and unprepared. I could barely take care of myself - and I was supposed to start taking care of others sometime soon? What about the dreams and goals I had? Was it already too late?

There was this enormous gap between who I was, and who I wanted to be.

Sure I was able to confront these fears. Reminding myself that I would learn - and keep growing and maturing. I didn’t have to have it all figured out overnight. I still had time.

But my biggest reminder would be every adult I admired had stood in the same spot. My parents, mentors and heroes - they didn’t start out as “adults”. They’d also been scared 20-somethings wondering how the hell they were going to do this whole grown-up thing. They’d felt the same things.

Even now, they are still learning as they go. Still figuring it out. Still messing up. As a kid it’s hidden from you, and only as you start to grow up, do you see glimpses of what’s hidden behind closed doors.

Your parents have probably struggled more than you realise. Your role models have crumbled and picked themselves back up more times than you can imagine. We’re all just winging it. Doing this crazy “life" thing for the first time, and learning as we go.

Making mistakes is growing up. Early is the best time to mess up and learn from it. It’s about getting better at managing risk, and ensuring mistakes won’t set you back too badly.

Maybe nobody really has it all figured out. Maybe we’re all just doing the best we can. Maybe it’s about embracing the mistakes, learning from them, and slowly but surely figuring it out. Maybe that’s what being an “adult” is all about.

Sam.